I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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