Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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