Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So vagazzling was a success
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
