How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
