Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
