omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
