One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
