By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
