Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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