I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
