The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
