I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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