Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
