Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
