Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cockslap morals
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
