My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
