i would punch a child for taco bell
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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