She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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