Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
