I didn't shave. On purpose
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
