so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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