3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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