they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
