Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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