Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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