At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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