So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
