I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
