She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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