I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
