I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
