you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
