We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
