I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
