Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
