Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
