i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
