i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
