a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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