how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
