theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
