I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
