I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
