Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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