i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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