just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
