I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love having hate sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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