Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
