Girls should come with a carfax report
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
