i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
